Control

I have heard people talk about it often, that when you let someone else hurt your feelings you are giving them control. I am not denying that giving someone else control is bad, but when you are trying to work over your outside cause you have spent your entire life being judged for the way you look. I guess I just thought that people might be supportive of a journey like that, but still people are judgemental. I would like to think about last night when I went out and flirted and got some digits and kissed a few people. and be able to smile because when I want to actually have confidence then well I over come those judgements. But when someone tells you that your to fat it hurts. No i didn't like cry when I was in high school because of people calling me fat I didn't know who I was then there was no reason to cry. but now I do cause I am a good person and I am worthy of being loved no matter what my outside appearance is I am changing what I look like for me. Not those fucked up bitches and assholes that will judge someone for just shallow reasons. I am still working on my weight but now more then ever I wish that I could be a contestant on the biggest loser cause while your there all you have is support and support devoid of judgement is what I need, but I do fear that there is no place I will be able to get that in the real world.....