Anit-depressants

OK so I am going to have to talk to my Dr cause she placed me on an anti-depressant and I have lost all motivation to do anything at all as well I'm sleeping all the time so I need to stop taking them cause I just don't want to do anything right now. so I am not working out at much and I am not taking advantage of my free week at 24 hour fitness

bummed

Ok well start with the bright side I didn't gain any weight the bummer is a didn't lose anymore saddened a bit I guess I will just have to ramp up the exercises

Laptop Down

so I thought I would have a coronary when I went for a walk the other night and dropped my phone which is fine. How ever I feel as though I am blind deaf and mute since my laptop took a dive last night I opened an email and well there it went, So since I only had vista on there and we have 7 to install I decided I would install 7 and just not save any files just start fresh How ever my laptop had different ideas and everything is still on there accept my ability to get on the Internet. I guess it will put more to my working out like when that ass was not very thoughtful and I brought the total gym into my room. I have told many people I love to work out I always have but since I hadn't been doing much more then walking, which I had to cut a little short cause I tweaked my ankle dancing the other night, so I have been picking up the slack and I am so sore in a good way. makes me want to work out more so I can start to see results. like when your arm veins start to pop out that's so cool . I know I'm silly but hey that's life.

Looking forward to being able to work out while I am watching the biggest loser tomorrow as well I am looking forward to starting my gym membership tomorrow. This fat man is a big fan of 24 hour fitness.

Control

I have heard people talk about it often, that when you let someone else hurt your feelings you are giving them control. I am not denying that giving someone else control is bad, but when you are trying to work over your outside cause you have spent your entire life being judged for the way you look. I guess I just thought that people might be supportive of a journey like that, but still people are judgemental. I would like to think about last night when I went out and flirted and got some digits and kissed a few people. and be able to smile because when I want to actually have confidence then well I over come those judgements. But when someone tells you that your to fat it hurts. No i didn't like cry when I was in high school because of people calling me fat I didn't know who I was then there was no reason to cry. but now I do cause I am a good person and I am worthy of being loved no matter what my outside appearance is I am changing what I look like for me. Not those fucked up bitches and assholes that will judge someone for just shallow reasons. I am still working on my weight but now more then ever I wish that I could be a contestant on the biggest loser cause while your there all you have is support and support devoid of judgement is what I need, but I do fear that there is no place I will be able to get that in the real world.....